How to Forget Someone You Really HateNot being able to get something that bothers you out of your mind can be very annoying! It can be doubly annoying if that something is thoughts about someone you hate. Wouldn’t it be better if you could forget that person, and so free yourself from these thoughts?
It is often said that love and hate are the two sides of the same coin, and although love may seem too strong an emotion to consider having for a person you hate, there is often an emotional attachment that stops you from just letting go of all thoughts and feelings, as you would for someone you didn’t care about. So, how to forget someone that you have such strong emotions about?
諸多煩惱事困于腦中著實糾纏人心!況那煩事又為憎恨之情，痛苦便加倍襲來。若要釋懷靈魂，何不忘卻仇家，泯掉恨意?
常言道：愛憎乃銅幣兩面，過于炙熱的愛無法給予憎恨之人，且粘滯的情感又會阻撓眾人幸免于塵世，即便那情感關乎無關痛癢之人。如此這般，竟要怎樣才能忘卻那揪心的厭惡人?
Lose the Hate.
To forget someone you really hate requires taking the emotion out of the equation. Hate is a strong emotion and when focus is put on it the mind believes and accepts it as real, and the more real it feels the more time you will find yourself focusing on it. Emotions are created by the thoughts we have, but thoughts are not necessarily facts: we choose which thoughts we accept as being true. Be mindful of the negative thoughts you have for that person, and when you become aware of them entering your mind, allow them to pass, without engaging with them. With practice this will become a subconscious action, requiring no conscious awareness or cognitive effort.
卸去恨意
想要擺脫仇恨得需擺脫感情的禁錮。恨，乃是一種強烈的情感，若過于認真，它將會鉆入骨髓，食人心骨，你若越執拗，它便越往深處鉆。情感皆生于意念，但意念卻非真正誘因：主導選擇何種意念的核心是我們自己。留意你對他人的怨念，敞開心胸，寬恕他人，切勿執意懷恨。長此一來，無需認知和領悟，潛意識尚會加深。
Question Your Behavior.
Why do you hate the person? Have they really done something so abhorrent that it entitles you to bestow such a strong emotion on them? Or, is it possible that the hate is more a result of where you are in your world? Are you a happy person, easy going and laid back, or are you quick-tempered, easily annoyed, and always ready for a fight? If the latter sounds like you, then maybe the problem is more about your behavior, beliefs and interpretations to what happens around you, and less about the other person. Changing the way you react may help resolve your feelings towards the other person, making it easier to move on, and forget about them.
自我解析
恨緣何而起?那人做了何種罪惡之事，以致你將此沉重情緒加之于他?亦或你的世界原本就只有仇恨?你是樂觀通達之人?還是易怒焦躁之人?若更似乎于后者，那其因更多在于自身的修養信念以及對世俗的洞察，無關他人的影響。調整自我的為人處世，將能化解對他人的怨念，忘卻仇恨，前路也將豁然開朗。
Find Closure.
Resolve to accept what has passed: you can’t change the past, and negative emotions—such as hate—damage the future. Decide to forgive them, and also forgive yourself for holding negative thoughts about another person. Place yourself in their shoes and consider how things could look from their perspective. In their shoes, would you agree that they should have such a strong emotion attributed to them? Also, put yourself in the position of an impartial observer; someone who doesn’t know either of you. How would they interpret your actions? It’s a lot harder to hold such extreme views when you look at something from the perspectives of others. Is it possible to talk to the person? Often differences, however big they seem, can be resolved by talking with the other person. Misunderstandings can be discovered, compassion can be given, and the person’s good qualities can become apparent, if given a chance. You may not become friends, trust or respect the person, but it’s possible to achieve a healthy downgrade from hating them.
學會放手
接受既成的事實：如果無法改變過去，不能扭轉仇恨一類的悲情，亦或者毀滅未來的情緒。就放下它們吧，同時也寬恕自己曾經的怨氣。進入對方的世界，從對方的角度去觀察一草一木。如此，你還會執意去恨他們么?帶著客觀的眼光判斷;若有一個局外者站在公正的立場上，他會怎樣解讀你的行為?一旦你將心比心，又怎會產生如此極端的仇恨呢。溝通乃理解之始，再大的分歧與誤解，在溝通的籠罩下便會淡然無光，憐憫之心將油然而生，人性光輝也會耀然躍出。若然成真，即成不了至交，至少能對其刮目相看。
Reminders of the Person.
Do you have any reminders of this person? Photos, clothes, etc that can act as a stimulus to thoughts being created about the person. Maybe its worth removing them from sight, either putting into storage or disposing of them entirely. If there are places that the person frequents, consider going or being somewhere else if that doesn’t have a detrimental effect on you. This might not be possible if you work with them, for example, but often the anger and hate we feel for a person can draw us to places we think they might be. Sometimes, something as simple as a song being played on the radio, or a smell of a particular food can trigger the thoughts. Although its not possible, or healthy, to try to avoid everything that acts as a reminder, removing obvious reminders will reduce the amount of times these trigger your thoughts of the person. Avoid creating more reminders by writing about them online on social networks or keeping a journal. Sometimes, writing about a problem you have can help release the attachment you have with them, helping put your thoughts into context in order to get closure. Just be sure to not keep reliving these thoughts by keeping what you have written. Disposing of the pages can be a physical way of getting rid of those thoughts, and remember that once you’ve posted something online there’s more chance of what you’ve written being viewed and discussed by yourself and others.
抹去所怨的痕跡
關于那人的一切，有否留下痕跡?有否留下相片、衣物等物件，這些東西可會時刻提醒他的存在。但眼不見為凈，最好將其統統丟棄。如若那人常去某處，你何不避開他，到其它地方尋開心呢?畢竟，雖然跟憎恨的人共事是斷不可能，但我們卻容易被怨氣所迷惑，引致對方亟能出現之地。即便是單一的曲子亦或食物的屬味，我們也會不時地受其影響，思緒便如火藥般點燃。盡管強迫抹去厭惡人的痕跡過于壓抑，但若將鮮明的痕跡移除，未嘗不是件好事。不妨在網絡上和日志中一一記下那些敏感事物。其實，寫下你所遇的問題，能助你走出迷途，讓思緒在條理中明朗。切莫將你所想所寫之事耿耿于懷。終日忙活于網絡和日志可助你擺脫那畏縮情緒，因一旦愁事公布于眾，解決的機會也悄然增大。
Refocus Your Energy.
Aim to get on with and progress in your life. Use all the energy wasted on hate to pursue new interests, career progression at work, and people you care for and enjoy spending time with. Remind yourself that you are wasting time and energy hating that person—time and energy that could be put to positive use, focused on people you think are better deserving of it.
“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk
聚神于心
致力活出更美妙的人生。何不將耗在仇恨上的精力用于找尋樂趣，追求事業，并和愛的人一起度過那美好時光。得要時刻警醒自己，切莫讓歲月在仇恨中消逝---因那歲月是用來珍惜的，只有真正值得的人才配擁有。
“活得快樂，是最痛快的復仇方式?！?-恰克·帕拉尼克
（兼職編輯：楊帆）
