When I was seven years old, I would put my school book bag on both my shoulders and had it sit plumb in the middle of my back, as backpacks were made to do.

在我七歲那年，我會用雙肩背書包，讓它處在我背部的正中央，感覺雙肩包就應該這么背。

One morning, when it was so frigid outside you could barely muster getting out of bed, my older brother joined me at the bus stop, and told me I was wearing my backpack wrong. He grabbed it,tossed it over my right shoulder with both straps on the same side and said, “There, that’s better.”

某天早晨，外面寒風蕭瑟，冷到你根本不想起床，我的哥哥跟我一同在車站等車，他告訴我我的雙肩包背錯了。他一把抓過來，將書包和兩側的背帶甩至我的右肩，然后說“看，這就好多了。”

Then he said, “You’re not pretty, so you have to try harder. OK?”

然后他說，“你不漂亮，所以你要更加努力，明白嗎?”

I stayed smiling because even at a young age, I understood the importance of pretending to not have emotions. In my household, it was a matter of survival. But what he said crushed me.

我的笑容凝固了，因為即便在青少年時期，我也知道假裝不露聲色的重要性。在我家里，這是一種生存技能。但是他說的讓我感到崩塌。

Soon thereafter, I started picking up on the signs one receives when they aren’t attractive. This was made more complicated because I had a lot of friends and people who, for the most part, liked me. I was good at sports. I had various musical talents and up until life completely fell apart at home, I was a good student. I was also a fighter so people didn’t dare make fun of me overtly, at least before growthspurts kicked in and the playing field was still even.

此后，我開始關注人們對于低顏值人的反應。這可是比較浩大的工程，因為我有許多朋友和家人，他們大部分時候還是挺喜歡我的。我擅長體育，具有各式的音樂天賦，而且直到我的家庭生活徹底支離破碎前，我也是個好學生。我同時也很好強，所以人們不太敢公然地開我玩笑。至少，在發育高峰之前，生活還是比較公平的。

Mostly, I paid for not being conventionally attractive by being ignored or not included in “moments” – the many moments attractive people experience.

很多時候，我因為沒有高顏值而被人忽略或無法經歷“某些時刻”——那些具有高顏值的人所經歷的時刻。

Many times, I walked into a room with all of my friends and witnessed them receiving compliments – everyone except me. It’s not that people look at you say, “My god, you’re incredibly ugly. Tell me, how do you not kill yourself?” It’s how you can stand next to an attractive person and the people around you, even the unattractive ones themselves, will say, “Wow, your friend is pretty. Look at her, have you ever seen a girl so pretty?”

不知多少次我和我朋友一起走進教室然后看著她們接受別人的贊美，除了我之外每個人都有。也并非人們看著你說“天哪，你真是丑啊，你為什么還活著呢?”，而是你站在美女或帥哥旁邊，人們圍著你，甚至毫不起眼的人他們都會說“噢，你的朋友真漂亮。看看她，還有誰能美過她呢?”

It took me being observant and honest to see I didn’t belong. It took studying the aesthetics in photos taken by my friends and knowing something wasn’t quite right. It’s a lack of pride you know would be there if you were just prettier, or sexier. It’s that you simply know that no matter what you do, sansliteral plastic surgery, you will never belong to a certain club.

我善于察言觀色，而且很誠實，所以我知道我注定不合主流。我仔細研究我朋友照片中的美學，然后發現某些東西并非是真理。如果你僅僅是姿色更上一層或性感尤物，你卻缺乏油然而生的自豪感。你明白無論你怎改變，除非整形，你永遠不會屬于高顏值的團體。

But here is where I throw you a curve ball: my being unattractive hasn’t stopped me from living the other side’s life. Most people never figure out how to navigate this world I live in. I will just tell you I rejected the rules of the beautiful, and learned how to make them work for me.

但是現在我給你一劑藥方：我的不出眾的相貌并不能阻止我擁有自己的生活。許多人在處于和我一樣的境地時都不知道如何掌控他們自己的方向。我想告訴你的是：我打破了顏值定律并讓他們變得有利于自己。

I decided I would shoot out of my league. I made friends and dated people I shouldn’t be allowed to date. I stepped over the line. I surrounded myself with individuals who are more educated, prettier or smarter than me, even in the face of people saying, quite literally, “they are out of your league.”

我決定擴展我的圈子，我和以前覺得不能交朋友的人交朋友，和以前覺得不能約的人約會。我越過了那條線，周圍全是比我更有學識、更漂亮的人，甚至人們告訴我，非常實事求是的說“他們可不是你圈子里的人啊”

I may not technically be the smartest or most beautiful person, but I run with those who are. I become by association, even a touch of such, even at a lower rank – beautiful. I buck the system.

我也許不會是最聰明最漂亮的人，但是我和這些人一同奮斗，哪怕僅有一點點提升，哪怕仍然沒那么漂亮，我踢爆了這個固有的規則。

To do so, yes, means you may be painfully aware of what you are and will never be. You will be defined by what you have the nerve to aim at being. In doing so, you will challenge and question what smart is. You will not be generic, or predictable. Attractive is only what we define it to be. Don’t pigeonhole yourself so quickly. Live the life you want to live – even if you didn’t win the genetic lottery.

是的，這樣做你也許會痛苦的發現自己的真想并再也不可能成為“漂亮”的人。你前進的目標將定義你自己。如此一來，你會挑戰和質疑“聰慧”。你將成為個例或非等閑之輩。美麗僅僅是我們給的定義。別那么快的給自己歸類，即使你沒有天賦，也要活出自己的精彩。