I heard one of the criteria some girls use when looking for a boy friend is the boy doesn’t have any parents. Is this correct?
It’s an over statement. But it certainly reflects the sensitive relationships in the Chinese family. In the traditional household, a man is both a son and an elder brother. The certain obligation that he can never . Even his marriage is the duty to produce the next generation. The obligations of the wife are less important. As the old saying goes, brothers are as indispensable as handsome and fit, but the wife is like a coat. Under this influence, a man would have to treat his parents and brothers or sisters with priority even if he was married. If the man have to be an honest son, his obligations will be even more important. such an unique role the man makes relationships with his family very complicated. this is why some well-educated young woman would rather marry a husband whose parents have passed away.
An American woman she was teaching in china once asked her students to put him selves in a situation where man fell into a river to get with his mother, wife and son. If the man was only able to save one person, who would that person be? Some students reply that he should save the mother out of for her mother hold. Other said that he should save the son, because the child represents the future. The American teacher was very unhappy with the answers. None of you even thought of saving the wife, why? She asked. The students fell silent. She explained I think you should save the wife first. The mother was old and has already spent most of her life. the child is too small to feel much pain. the wife has come through a knot with him. After this incident, the couple will be bound even closer together and they can produce another child.
Between the Chinese and westerners, there are some obvious differences in dealing with family relations. In china, a family is headed by the most person as the grandparents or parents. Children come next, followed by brothers. Husband and wife relations comes the bottom. in the west, the order is husband and wife, children, parents and brothers, sisters. The husband and wife relationship is the foundation of a family. Under criticality, a man is required to leave his parents and stay together with his wife. On the Confucianism, a man is required to stay with his parents.
The one child family has free the man from obligations to his brothers and sisters. But he cannot escape from duties to his parents. Although it is not the best solution for the girl to choose a husband without any parents, sometimes she doesn’t have a better alternative.
