Most people don’t naturally think they reject love. By learning what behaviors we engage in that push away our partner, we can really start to change these behaviors and shift the dynamics of our relationship.
多數人并不認為自己在拒絕愛。要了解我們哪些行為把我們的伴侶推開了，我們才能真正改變這些行為，改變戀愛的現狀。
1. Withholding
1、有所保留
As people get closer to each other in relationship, their fears of intimacy can start to turn them against themselves, and in order to create distance, they start to withhold the qualities their partner valued most.
戀愛中，隨著關系愈加親近，懼怕親密會讓人背離自己，為了增加距離感，對于伴侶尤為珍視的品質人們會開始有所克制。
2. Shutting down
2、黯然不語
Our defenses can lead us to become inward or act cold, finding millions of excuses not to interact with someone we love. We stop engaging in loving acts and we may even outright reject our partner by avoiding spending time together.
我們對人設防會導致自己變得封閉內向，表現得冷漠，找出數百種理由不和我們所愛的人交流。我們不再示愛，甚至拒絕我們的伴侶， 避免與之共度時光。
3. Becoming overly critical
3、過分挑剔
The more extreme side is starting to actually pick at our partner. We start to have an unfavorable picture of our partner and our relationship. We start to see our relationship as more of a mathematical problem.
更為極端的一面是，我們開始對愛侶橫挑鼻子豎挑眼，對戀愛前景頗不看好。我們更多地把戀愛關系視為數學問題。
4. Putting form over substance
4、重形式不重本質
So many couples say they are in love but proceed to treat each other with a disregard or disrespect. We should make our actions match our words and keep engaging in acts that our partner would perceive as loving.
太多的情侶稱他們在戀愛中，但卻彼此漠視、互不尊敬。我們應該言行一致、愛意滿滿地對待伴侶。
5. Picking fights
5、找茬拌嘴
All couples will face conflicts and difficult issues to resolve, as any two people with two sovereign minds will. However, there are times when we start to nag or provoke our partner more frequently or out of the blue. These actions serve no other purpose than to actually push our partner away.
所有愛侶都會有沖突，會有難題要解開，但凡思想獨立的兩個人都會這樣。然而，也有的時候我們開始嘮叨，動不動就刺激我們的伴侶、發起挑釁。這些舉動只會讓伴侶和我們疏遠。
We can take an open stance and find the root causes of our fears or resistance to intimacy. Ultimately,we can be persistent in our effort to make love a priority and to keep it alive and well in our lives.
我們應姿態開明，找到我們恐懼親近、抗拒親密的根源。最重要的是，我們要持之以恒，讓愛在生命中占首要地位。
